I Woke Up Old

It seemed like it happened overnight. Unsuspectingly, I looked in the mirror and saw a different image. An old man stared back at me with disbelief. Too many years had passed avoiding pictures and reflections. Hairlines and waistlines can keep a man from examining the truth. Suddenly it occurred to me that I was not the same. Something had changed without my permission. Like a thief in the night, my youth and even my young adulthood had been taken. That morning, I woke up old.

Somewhere, a decade had been lost. Work had consumed much of my time with endless hours on roads, leading me to and from clients. Family was at home growing up without me. Somehow, a marriage survived. Maybe. Nothing keeps from changing. Looking back on lost opportunities will leave you in ruin of the loss. Today is different and so am I. It takes effort to stay focused on the future when the end is closer than the beginning. The future becomes your children’s, like most everything else when you are a parent. I don’t know where we will be in ten or twenty years. I hope I am here to see my children get married and have kids of their own. Will they make the same mistakes I have? Or, will they recognize the struggle?

Celebrities “re-invent” their image to keep a fresh presence with their audience. Consumers of media grow tired quickly and want to be the first to discover the next new fad. Most of us never change with the times. When you are in your thirties, you can fake your way through life, thinking you are still as young and vibrant you were in college. By the time you are forty, your mind is still in the twenties, but you find your body and appearance is falling behind. Sure, men can color their hair, but at some point, it looks ridiculous. By fifty, youth is gone. You can’t even pretend. Oddly, your mind is young, but the perception of yourself is one of a minority, as you find there are more people younger then yourself. Younger individuals seek to avoid interaction with people the age of their parents. Many cannot relate. It shows. It is disappointing when in your mind you are still twenty. It makes me want to drive to the mountains, walk to a rock cliff and just sit. As my feet dangle over the edge, I could feel the thermal breezes rise from the face of the cliff and fill my lungs with breath of a life worth living. I would stay there until dark and watch as the city lights emerge through the haze. In this mountain solitude, I would find my strength and reaffirm my purpose.

I am sure I am not alone. We all get a little older everyday. Tomorrow, I may wake up and find I’m seventy. I will wonder what happened to the last twenty years. I may need to find that rocky perch and let my feet dangle over the edge and cherish the memories of a good life. I will stay until dark. The city lights will be greater than ever. Each light representing a moment in time when things seemed a little simpler. That day will come before I know it.